Campaign of the Month: March 2008
The Nemedian Chronicles
Tullweim Chapter 8 Entry 10
Once again, apologies must be made for both the crass awkwardness of diction and near complete annihilation of sentence structure inherent in translating the Nordheimer language into any other form of comprehensible verbal communication. Often times through the course of performing even the most menial of tasks, a situation can arise where all normal means of resolution will fail, demanding a more creative, or more forceful approach to the problem. A common metaphor for this is to say that the task is ‘a tough nut to crack’. This well describes the effort in trying to make the Nordheimer dialect understandable to the rest of humanity. In the case of presenting Tullweim’s recollection of events to a broadly diverse audience, the nut wasn’t so much cracked as it was pulverized, the fragments reassembled into a vague semblence of what the nut might have looked like. Maybe. This should not be misconstrued to imply any truly detrimental lack of intelligence inherent to either of the Nordheimer races, but instead the likely result of the pronounced lisp that they all speak with combined with the synaptic impairment from exposure to cold due to their common practice of sleeping on the green ice of the glacial fjords of their homelands. As was stipulated in the previous translation- sorry, they just talk this way.
All of the frenzies were now to being not much too chaotic on us after so manys were doing the scaredy-flee from the shakey rumblies in the grounds. At being sure, there was still to be very manys of fighting to other spots on the battle fields and grasses, but not so much to where all of us were being. Then did this man to be riding over saying that he was having the messages from the big commanders man at me, and so I was then learning that we are to be needing for riding the horses across all the grasses at the creepy-hill being Tor Al’Kiir to be seeing why is all the weirdly noisings and lightings are to being on it. Then I was to be calling to all of the everyone elses for being to riding way across the grasses to be at the creepy-hill and away from all these battle fields.
There were not being more to those weirdnesses of noisings and lightings topping at the creepy-hill when we were to be riding fastly there, but to be sure a big stinker of storms was to be whooshing into all of the wheres. Many clouds were being darkly scooting at the front face part to the moon, making the night darks to being much more darkly than they were to being before. Thunder was making the boom-hammer noisings very hugely to all the ears of us to be hearing it, and lightnings were being all of the wheres in the skies. When we were to finally being at the creepy-hill all of the rains did to be start the falling. Now we get to do the climbing us up on the creepy-hill to the tops where were the noises and the lightings had been weirdly when we were seeing at them before. All of the everythings was to being very wetly from all of the rainings on them, so climbing us up was to being not easily for us to getting up there. Many had bad climbings and were to be falling the plummet again onto all of the rocky bits and to dropping of their torches away into the wets that were being all of the wheres from the rainings. Oh and mister ‘I am to being smug Cimmerian climby-man’ did be doing the fast-prancey to climb him to the top before any of the others were being able to climb them up too. I am thinking that Cuana is being good to climbings from practice for having no choice because he can’t be tying the rope-knots worth to a pile of the wolf poo.
Soon everybody stopped doing the plummet-falls and were being finally almost climbed. All of the weathers were to being even more worse the they were being before, with the rainings being more and too much more of the lightnings being in all of the wheres of the sky and closer. We then did be stepping up to the tops of the creepy-hill and were then to be seeing lots of guard-men to be waiting in the big armors and big creepy-god horns being onto their helmets. Oh, now doesn’t this be just too wonderful – we are to be on the highest land, wearing the metal armors and standing in the rainy-puddles while being to wave our metal swords around with all of the lightnings being about. Maybe we’re being all roastied by the lightnings before we are even to be fighting the guard-men with the creepy god-horns on.
We were to be hearing a creepy-chant and weird flutey-music from the stair-pit that was being behind the guard-men while we were being to arrange our rankings for the combats. We were having Dhak, Xacksmith, me, and some bunches of Crimson Wolves to being lined up at the spots being to the fronts of the guard-men and Cuana being to go with more soldiers and Enaro to where their side-flank was being. Then we are seeing that there are being the sneaky pit-holes all over the places when some start to be almost to falling for the stepping down on them. Oh this is being just nicer and nicer to be sure. More plummet-falling to have with the lightnings and the waving of the sharpy-swords because the guard-men are not being to have the nootz to fight like the normal men do. Once they are watching us to be almost falling to the pit holes a bunches of them are doing a charge to us. Now everybodies is being to fight and clobbering on eachothers to hope for killing eachothers to death. I am splattering on guard-men, Dhak is splattering onto their shields, Cuana and Enaro were being to splatter on the guard-men over to where they were being. People being to fall into pit holes and everyone is being to splatter on everyone. The guard-men being the girlie-pansy pit hole digger dress-wearing sobbies that they were being were all soon to be splattered to death. All of the rainings and lightnings were still being to the every wheres and we were to be going to the stairs when the creepy-chant and weird fluty tunes got to being real loudly and extra creepy, making some of the Crimson Wolves to being raving-crazies for waving of the swords at us and being to attack to be splattering on us. Oh, all of this is being to get better and better all of the times.